Tue May 17, 2022

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News Shticker

IMMIGRATION: Louisiana economic refugees met at Texas border with tear gas.
IMMIGRATION: Trump administration implements “Fuck off and die” policy at Mexican border.
BREAKING: President Trump suggests Jamal Khashoggi was killed by Central Park Five.
SPORTS: LSU fans “pouring in” to new Tiger Stadium sections offering beer, delusions of wooing back Saban.
BREAKING: President Trump vows to destroy imminent threat to ego.
EDUCATION: UL Lafayette master plan calls for development near Cajundome to feature indoor plumbing, electricity.
LAFAYETTE: Library board adopts slogan “Reading is such a drag.”
BREAKING: Judge blocks online plans for printing untraceable dildos.
SOURCE: Trump orders White House flag at full staff to celebrate raging boner.
BREAKING: After Manafort conviction, Mueller points at news cameras and yells “I’m comin’ for you, Donnie.”

Tag Archives: Bobby Jindal

Graves Denies Having Third Lobotomy to Remain Blindly Loyal to Trump

Tony Swartz Off the Wire

Congressman Garrret Graves insists he has undergone no more than two lobotomies to maintain his unconditional fealty to President Donald Trump.

Sen. John Kennedy Arrives Late for Committee Meeting After Looking for His Balls

Tony Swartz Off the Wire

The junior U.S. senator from Louisiana was late to work on Capitol Hill last week after admittedly getting distracted by searching for his testicles.

Anonymous Donor Pledges $600,000 to Replace Confederate Monuments With Statues of Bobby Jindal

Manny Schewitz Off the Wire

An anonymous donor from Baton Rouge has stepped forward to settle the controversy by offering to replace the statues with marble busts of former Gov. Bobby Jindal.