Horrorscopes

The universe is talking; are you listening?

Make Your Last Year Count!

Happy New Year!!! It’s 2012, and we still have no commercially viable jet packs. But we do have something special to look forward to this year: the apocalypse. And not some run-of-the-mill, Christian, religious apocalypse like Harold Camping missed the mark on last year (twice, I might add). No, this time, it’s the Mayans that are the architects of our demise. Don’t try and deny it with your cold logic about how ridiculous eschatology in general is, or that fistful of facts that everyone and his mother has picked up about the Mayan long-form calendar from the History Channel. (It’s just the end of the calendar, like December 31; aren’t you frigging clever?) NO! I was denied Y2K in 1999, I was denied by Harold “I speak directly to God” Camping last year (twice), and I will not be denied my apocalypse this year! I’m hoping this is the one …

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