Archived Columns

Tech Advice From an Industry Insider

Author’s Note: As someone who has worked in the tech support field for almost 18 years, let me say that there isn’t a week that goes by when I don’t say at least once: “I’ve never seen anything like that.” So don’t feel like you are bothering us; it’s what we do, and lots of times, the real answer is that we are just better at Googling than you are. That being said”¦ The email is spam. It doesn’t matter what you think it is; the email is spam. It’s not from the IRS or the FBI. They wouldn’t email you. If that were really your iTunes/AT&T/Verizon/Wal-Mart bill for $4,913.69, it wouldn’t have been sent to 600 people. You couldn’t possibly all have the same customer number. More importantly, if any of those people are emailing you, it isn’t going to be from l33thaxxordood@fanpoop481.com. Speaking of fanpoop481.com, any website that …

Read More »

A Louisiana Sports Bicentennial, Part II

Last month, “Balls” gave you the Top 200 Moments in Louisiana Sports History in celebration of the state’s first-ever bicentennial. Unfortunately, press limitations forced us to omit 186 entries, all of which are listed below: Editor’s note: Due to press limitations, 172 of the other 186 Top 200 Moments in Louisiana Sports History had to be omitted. The columnist has been suspended with pay. October 1859 “” James Christopher Driskill ascends and establishes Louisiana’s Everest, unintentionally becoming the greatest mountain climber in Louisiana history. At 535 feet above sea level, Driskill Mountain today is arguably one of Bienville Parish’s four or five most popular things for Boy Scouts to climb. October 3, 1951 “” The single heard ’round the world. In order for Bobby Thompson to hit a three-run homer in the bottom of the ninth to win the New York baseball Giants their first pennant in 14 years, former …

Read More »

Life Lesson #10: What to Expect When You’re Expecting? Judgment.

Love must be in the air this spring, because Mrs. Judge Mental has received several questions relating to the birds and bees. Mrs. Judge Mental has not so far been blessed with any children of her own, but she has seen several episodes of I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant on TLC, and she’s prepared to dispense her best advice on dealing with pregnancy and childbirth. My best advice is don’t get pregnant (unless you really want to). And by “really want to” I mean “can provide for a child in a stable environment,” not “told the audience of The Maury Povich Show that you want to have a baby even though you’re just 14.” Ideal conditions for getting pregnant involve having a stable partner and/or a steady source of legal income, and the desire to stay up all night while a tiny human screams for no reason until you …

Read More »

Prom Baby Fashion and Life Advice for New Parents

So, it’s that time of year again. No, I am not talking about summer or Disney vacations with the family. No, dear readers, the topic this month is one near and dear to my snarky heart: prom baby season! Like the scent of Gold Bond in a fat man’s drawers, early summer can be counted on to bring its yearly onslaught of knocked-up teens. With barely a moment to think in between finals and sticks turning blue, what is a teen to do? There are so many questions to be asked, so few good, upstanding citizens to turn to for rational answers. Well, fret no more, Spread ‘Em Sally: Your Auntie Ruby is here to help with all your important life questions. Please put down your iPhone and pay attention while I drop some reality your way, both fashion- and non-fashion-related. What should I name my baby? This is a …

Read More »

I Want Chris Harrison’s Job

No matter how much you hate reality TV, you are bound to get sucked in from time to time. My wife is a very intelligent woman, but she watches Housewives, Mob Wives, and a few of the others because she loves to see confrontational people confront each other. The Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise is really mild compared to most because the people are more normal and some of them actually fall for the guy or girl. However, this makes the show more boring, as well. We’ll fast-forward through most of the dates and love sh””t to get to the drinking parties or crying scenes. This season of The Bachelorette is pretty interesting to me because I went to high school with one of the guys, but other than that, I’m bored off of my ass. The Bachelorette, Emily, is about as interesting as carpet. She looks like a Barbie doll that never …

Read More »

Don’t Call It a Sell-Out

I think we can all agree that we like money. We need it to eat, pay rent, and keep ourselves clothed in Tap Out T-shirts. It does, however, get a bad rap throughout history as the root of all evil. I think we can stretch that premise a bit further and say it is perhaps also the root of all crap music. We start to grow up “” bony-kneed, brace-faced, and pimply “” in a mashed-up cornucopia of crappy music, for the most part. And that’s OK, because these musicians and bands that are mostly lame are pretty mainstream (say, Hanson of the ’90s or Justin Bieber for today) and serve a greater good: They help us cut our little musical baby teeth “” they transition us to be ready for bigger and better musical steaks when we get older. Yet sometimes, a band or artist will start feeding us …

Read More »