Life Coach

You’re doing it wrong.

Life Lesson #10: What to Expect When You’re Expecting? Judgment.

Love must be in the air this spring, because Mrs. Judge Mental has received several questions relating to the birds and bees. Mrs. Judge Mental has not so far been blessed with any children of her own, but she has seen several episodes of I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant on TLC, and she’s prepared to dispense her best advice on dealing with pregnancy and childbirth. My best advice is don’t get pregnant (unless you really want to). And by “really want to” I mean “can provide for a child in a stable environment,” not “told the audience of The Maury Povich Show that you want to have a baby even though you’re just 14.” Ideal conditions for getting pregnant involve having a stable partner and/or a steady source of legal income, and the desire to stay up all night while a tiny human screams for no reason until you …

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Life Lesson #9: Gas Station Manager Syndrome

I received this distress signal from a reader: Dear Mrs. Judge Mental: I recently joined a community service organization, and the person in charge is driving me batty! Here I am VOLUNTEERING my time and talents, and the leader of the group is a total control freak, bossing everyone around. If things don’t improve, I’m afraid a mutiny is in order! Help me! “” Beat Up in Boston   Dear Beat Up, Gentle Reader, thank you for your letter. It’s very likely that the person you describe has a case of Gas Station Manager Syndrome (GSMS). GSMS is a phenomenon by which a small-minded person comes to be in charge of an insignificant thing, causing him to behave like a pompous jerkface. Gas Station Manager Syndrome is a serious epidemic affecting our community. GSMs discount all opinions that are not their own, grab onto their tiny corner of the universe, …

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Life Lesson #8: Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

I’ve dedicated a few of these unsolicited advice columns to the art of romance, but there comes a time in every relationship to either crap or get off the pot. I’m a big believer in things just happening naturally and not doing too much work, so if you’re six months into a relationship and it seems like it’s not working out, it might be time to give up. You’re not going to mold your Larry the Cable Guy into Ryan Gosling or your Roseanne Barr into Megan Fox, so stop trying to fit a square peg into a round hole and BREAK UP ALREADY. “But how can I break my sweetiekin’s heart?” you ask. “How can I tear my love muffin to pieces?” Easy. 1. Accentuate the negative. Make a list of all of your honey bear’s negative traits. Don’t stop until you get to 50. Saying “idear” for idea, …

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