Radio Stations Pull “All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth” to Avoid Offending Kaplan Residents

LAFAYETTE – Area radio stations have removed the timeless holiday song “All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth” from their playlists this holiday season. According to one local DJ who wished to remain anonymous, the song was pulled for lyrics deemed offensive to residents of Kaplan as well as the rest of Vermilion Parish.

This marks the first time the song will not be broadcast on Acadiana airwaves in 57 years, which also happens to be the average age of KLFY viewers, and it’s thanks in large part to Lafayette Parish Mayor-President Joel Robideaux.

“While we all know that Kaplan is the meth capital of South Louisiana, residents there felt like this song was just rubbing it in their faces.”

Fearful that hearing the song might drive Kaplan to join forces with New Iberia in launching an assault on his parish’s southern border wall, Robideaux interceded on behalf of former Kaplan Mayor Kirk Champagne and worked out an agreement with area stations to mute the playful tune.

“While we all know that Kaplan is the meth capital of South Louisiana, residents there felt like this song was just rubbing it in their faces,” Robideaux explained. “To avoid conflict, we’ve had all local stations remove the song from their holiday playlists, effective immediately.”

The one holdout on the agreement was KSMB morning host Bobby Novosad. The celebrity schmoozer with the winning smile eventually was won over with five unlimited play tokens and free pizza at Chuck E. Cheese’s.

We will update this story as new tips come in – or at least, that’s what she said.

About Manny Schewitz

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Manny Schewitz is a progressive liberal from the Dirty South with a thirst for the truth, humor, and whiskey. He is a co-founder of Progressive Frontier, an avid poker player, and an unapologetic liberal who supports gun regulations. Manny is also on Facebook, and you can follow him on Twitter as well.

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