Downtown Library Structural Repairs to Be Made With Red Tape, Gridlock

City Hall officials and architects have agreed to fix the new downtown library’s structural issues with copious amounts of red tape and gridlock.

After weeks of discussions regarding possible repair methods for the River Center Branch Library, representatives from WHLC Architecture, the city-parish, and a third-party consultant settled on employing tie-ups, jams, and intractable bureaucracy to stabilize the building.

“Hitches, holdups, hangups, trammels, and political rigidity are readily found around East Baton Rouge Parish, and they will be used to complete the necessary repairs.”

“In order to facilitate needed repairs in a cost-effective manner, the structure will be significantly reinforced with some of Baton Rouge’s most abundant resources,” the city-parish explained in a statement. “Hitches, holdups, hangups, trammels, and political rigidity are readily found around East Baton Rouge Parish, and they will be used to complete the necessary repairs.”

The decision on how to address the problems plaguing the library comes months after construction was halted in April, when work crews discovered multiple structural failures. Weeks later, engineers determined that the large, steel, cantilever beams failed due to the massive amounts of public scrutiny that had been heaped upon it.

Citing his ability to deal with red tape, the city-parish also announced some of the repairs will be made by former Metro Councilman John Delgado. Rather than paying the business owner for his work on the library, though, the city-parish simply will deduct Delgado’s wages from the thousands of dollars his downtown drinking establishments owe in back taxes and fines.

About Tony Swartz

Tony Swartz
Tony is proof that you can write Peabody-worthy news without ever darkening the halls of journalism school.

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