Cleo Fields Preparing for Senate Run by Getting Cash-stuffing Pants Let Out

Former Louisiana congressman and state legislator Cleo Fields is prepping for a bid to return to the state Capitol by making more room for wads of cash in several of his trousers.

Fields, who is ostensibly seeking to replace term-limited state Sen. Yvonne Colomb, requested his tailor let out a half-dozen pairs of his favorite pants to facilitate shoving large amounts of money into them.

The move comes over two decades after the FBI secretly recorded the Democrat taking approximately $20,000 in cash from former Gov. Edwin Edwards and shoving it in his pants. While Fields has yet to give an explanation for the infamous 1997 transaction, the unindicted co-conspirator in Edwards’ criminal trial offered his rationale for having his pants altered.

“I’m a bit rusty at stuffing cash in my pants, so if I expect to represent the citizens of Senate District 14, I need to make it as easy as possible to shove thousands of dollars in there.”

“I’ve been out of the graft game for about a decade,” said Fields, who hasn’t held public office since January 2008. “I’m a bit rusty at stuffing cash in my pants, so if I expect to represent the citizens of Senate District 14, I need to make it as easy as possible to shove thousands of dollars in there.”

The attorney, who unsuccessfully ran for governor in 1995, said John Bel Edwards’ first term as governor, as well as the GOP’s defense of President Donald Trump, has inspired him to potentially seek his old Senate seat and resume his stuffing-cash-into-pants ways.

“I’ve spent the last four years not making bank as a lawmaker while Louisiana’s been led by a Democratic governor. I haven’t done that since law school, and now my cash-stuffing pants are just itching for some dead presidents,” Fields explained. “Plus, since Republicans seem to be in a very forgiving mood regarding campaign finance regulations, why the hell not show this younger generation some real old-school Louisiana politics?”

About Tony Swartz

Tony Swartz
Tony is proof that you can write Peabody-worthy news without ever darkening the halls of journalism school.

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