GUEST COLUMN: “When Will I Get My Goddam Weed, Louisiana?” — Joey Duhon

What the hell is taking the state so damn long to start dispensing legal weed? I mean, the legislature passed the bill to legalize medical cannabis in 2015, and here we are in 2018, and they’re just now getting around to planting the stuff?

And they say pot smokers are lazy.

Seriously, how the hell does it take over three years to figure out how to plant and grow the shit?

First of all, the LSU AgCenter is handling it. If anyone should know how to grow herb, it’s college professors who happen to have degrees in agriculture.

Somebody’s got to be slowing things down. Probably some politician who thinks Reefer Madness is a fucking documentary.

But even if they all grew up in Utah or some shit like that and don’t know the first thing about weed, there’s a million articles and videos online to show you how to raise Mary Jane. Fuck, I’ve sent over 50 emails to the LSU AgCenter with tips on how to cultivate the best buds, and I know I’m not the only one.

When will I get my goddam weed, Louisiana?

Somebody’s got to be slowing things down. Probably some politician who thinks Reefer Madness is a fucking documentary.

My money is on Jeff Sessions’ boyfriend who loves weed killer: Sen. John Kennedy. He’s probably trying to sabotage the whole operation just so he can make Sessions hard.

I swear to God, if that douchenozzle Kennedy does anything but drink that weed killer, I’ll personally pour it down his turkey-wattle-adorned throat.

Shit, now I’m all worked up. I need to get blazed bad.

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