MoviePass Proves Democratic Socialism Doesn’t Work, Claims Area Moron

The downfall of the movie subscription service MoviePass confirms democratic socialism is not a viable economic system, insisted a noted Baton Rouge idiot.

Ryan Trasker cited the anecdote involving a single tech startup’s notoriously unsustainable business model, which originally allowed the app’s users to receive one free movie ticket a day in exchange for a $9.95 monthly fee, to categorically dismiss a comprehensive economic philosophy as a “horrible idea.”

The insurance adjuster told coworkers that MoviePass’ widely predicted financial woes are irrefutable proof that every single belief held by self-described democratic socialists, like Sen. Bernie Sanders and congressional candidate Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, is wrongheaded.

“MoviePass is a cautionary tale about universal health care. They’re exactly the same.”

“Damn millennials are always looking to get something for nothing,” the 32-year-old Trasker declared, pinning the blame for MoviePass’ troubles on similarly aged Americans who literally got what they paid for. “If we’re not careful, they’re going to bankrupt America just like they’re doing to MoviePass, all because of democratic socialism.”

Trasker, who outsources all critical thinking to Fox News and conservative political pundit Tomi Lahren, said Sanders and his popularity among young people are responsible for forcing MoviePass to limit users to three free tickets per month in an attempt to remain financially solvent.

After checking his Twitter feed for talking points, Trasker added, “MoviePass is a cautionary tale about universal health care. They’re exactly the same.”

The loyal Amazon Prime member then began to complain for 20 minutes about being forced to pay an extra $20 a year for free shipping and complimentary access to thousands of movies.


About Tony Swartz

Tony is proof that you can write Peabody-worthy news without ever darkening the halls of journalism school.

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