Environmental Groups: Plastic Use at All-Time High Thanks to Trump Grasping at Straws

While some major cities and companies have taken drastic measures to reduce the use of plastics, environmental organizations warn we’ve largely ignored a major source of the potentially damaging substances: the White House.

Watchdog groups say they are alarmed by the actions of President Donald Trump and his staff, who environmentalists say are doing irreparable damage to the planet by constantly grabbing at straws.

“The real problem is the Trump administration,” Sierra Club spokesman Maggie Kash said. “Their figurative attempts to come up with excuses for their myriad issues is taking a literal toll on our environment. If they don’t stop grasping at straws, our planet is doomed.”

What was once thought of as an idiom meant to explain a person trying to save their own skin by making up outrageous claims has come to fruition.

“If the president doesn’t immediately begin coming clean about the truth, expect a real environmental disaster that will affect us for generations to come.”

“From repeatedly blaming Hillary Clinton for his own missteps, to yelling at a Republican-controlled Congress to build a border wall, we’re getting buried in a constant avalanche of straws the president and his allies have grasped at, and Mother Earth is paying the price,” Kash explained. “If the president doesn’t immediately begin coming clean about the truth, expect a real environmental disaster that will affect us for generations to come.”

The president took to Twitter to combat Kash’s assertion by adding to the pile of straws already grabbed by his administration.

“It wasn’t us, swear to God! This is all everyone else just being jelly. You believe me, right?” Trump insisted in what some are calling his most venerable tweet.

In an attempt to defend her boss, White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders raised more questions during a press briefing.

‘There’s no way the president or anyone else affiliated with the administration would do anything to harm anyone. Where would we live if the world were to be destroyed? Certainly not a secret space station being built for the ultra-wealthy set to launch in six months. Why would you ask that?” Sanders said, scoffing at reporters before walking out while shaking her head.

When asked if there was anything Americans could do to combat this problem, Kash replied, “Just hope and pray. It’s up to us to make Trump change his mind. Or at least help him forget his Twitter password.”

 

About Robert Rau

Robert Rau
Considered a poor man's Pat Sajak, Robert is a mild mannered state employee by day, entertainer by night.

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