Putin Rewards Trump as Employee of the Month With “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Killing Enemies”

During their historic summit in Helsinki, Russian President Vladimir Putin recognized U.S. President Donald Trump as his top operative by gifting him an instructional book on assassinating political and personal foes.

Putin gave Trump a copy of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Killing Enemies, which teaches novices how to safely and effectively use deadly poisons to eliminate human obstacles, as a reward for being named Russian Employee of the Month.

The former KGB foreign intelligence officer commended Trump’s unfailing loyalty to Putin’s regime and his tireless commitment to advancing the Russian agenda at all costs, including America’s standing in the world.

“It feels good to be respected and appreciated for all the hard work I do, unlike all the negative press from the fake news media back in America and the rigged witch hunt. No collusion.”

“This gift is a small token of my deep appreciation for Mr. Trump’s incredible devotion to me and the people I lead,” Putin said through a translator. “President Trump has proven invaluable to Russia and her people. It seemed fitting we used this summit to fully recognize his heroic efforts and honor him as our Employee of the Month.”

The two then shook hands as Trump proudly received the gift from his boss.

“I’m honored to be Russian Employee of the Month,” Trump commented. “It feels good to be respected and appreciated for all the hard work I do, unlike all the negative press from the fake news media back in America and the rigged witch hunt. No collusion.”

In The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Killing Enemies, author Pladimir Vutin uses simple, layman language to instruct readers how to procure, handle, and deploy various toxins with the intent of covertly killing problematic individuals.

Moments later, Trump put his arm around Putin, adding, “You’re not just an overseer to me; you’re a friend.”

 

About Tony Swartz

Tony Swartz
Tony is proof that you can write Peabody-worthy news without ever darkening the halls of journalism school.

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