Trump’s Plan for Separated Immigrant Children? Hunger Games.

Busy off of his recent executive order that puts a halt to separating children from their parents at the border, President Donald Trump has come up with a fail-safe way to get rid of the kids already forcibly removed from their families by his zero-tolerance policy.

“Two words: Hunger Games,” the president tweeted. “Think of the ratings, and think of how happy the winner will be when he, or she, finds out they can live in this great country.”

While details are sketchy, Trump’s solution for dealing with the numerous kids who may never see their parents again is apparently to put them in an arena and have them kill each other for our amusement.

“Many people are tweeting me questions about this, fingers crossed, annual event,” another tweet by Trump said. “All I have to say is this will make our country millions, maybe even billions of dollars. Certainly enough to fund that new military branch I won’t shut up about. #SpaceForce”

Congressional members on both sides seemed resigned to the notion of the president forcing children to become modern-day gladiators inspired by a literary series depicting a dystopia where the wealthy elite force poverty-striken youngsters to fight in death matches.

While many fans of the Hunger Games literary series are excited about the latest live-action adaptation, many young adults are starting to question their motivations.

“I was hoping for more material after the last Mockingjay movie, but I wasn’t expecting a theme park,” said Tina Yant, a game designer and self-described No. 1 fan of the Hunger Games franchise. “And yes, while I have created tons of fan fiction with dozens of themes for parks, I was kinda hoping that dream wouldn’t come true.”

When asked for comment on the matter, congressional members on both sides seemed resigned to the notion of the president forcing children to become modern-day gladiators inspired by a literary series depicting a dystopia where the wealthy elite force poverty-striken youngsters to fight in death matches.

“Sure, why not,” Speaker of the House Paul Ryan said. “We’ve tried fighting Trump on everything, and he just gets worse. Maybe if he agrees to this, Trump can slip into a fast-food coma for two years.”

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi uttered similar sentiments.

“Surprisingly, of the 10 ideas he offered to Congress, this was the best,” the Democrat from California said. “This batshit idea was the sanest thing he said.”

Pelosi then clapped her hands and walked away.

 

About Robert Rau

Robert Rau
Considered a poor man's Pat Sajak, Robert is a mild mannered state employee by day, entertainer by night.

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