Higgins Eager to Film Video in Immigration Camp Amid “Menacing MS-13” Toddlers

U.S. Rep. Clay Higgins plans to shoot a machismo-laden campaign video promoting border security in a detention facility where young immigrant children are being held in cages.

The freshman Republican from Port Barre, who gained fame for his viral Crime Stoppers videos as a St. Landry Parish sheriff’s deputy, told a Lafayette radio station that he “can’t wait” to produce, direct, edit, and star in the new video aimed at painting himself as America’s über-masculine co-savior from hordes of future violent gang members with yet-to-be-developed motor skills.

“This video is going to be my Citizen Kane,” Higgins told KPEL, adding that he intends to maintain a fierce scowl, a slight tilt of the head, and constant eye contact with the camera as caged immigrant children, some as young as 3 years old, cry uncontrollably in the background after being separated from their parents by the Department of Homeland Security.

“God, I hope one of them wets his pants while we’re rolling.”

The man known as the “Cajun John Wayne” explained that he personally wrote the script and has already blocked out the video shoot on a storyboard.

“Probably the best part is when I let the world know ‘I support President (Donald) Trump protecting the good, honest, God-fearing, hard-working people of America from the scum and filth invading and infesting our sovereign and sacred land’ as those menacing MS-13 wannabes behind me cry for their mommies,” Higgins said. “God, I hope one of them wets his pants while we’re rolling.”

Higgins stated the video will conclude with him turning to the wailing children and asking them, “Who’s your daddy now?” followed by a close-up of a wryly smiling Higgins turning back to the camera to deliver the line, “Donald Trump and Congressman Captain Clay Higgins, that’s who.”

 

About Tony Swartz

Tony Swartz
Tony is proof that you can write Peabody-worthy news without ever darkening the halls of journalism school.

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