Majority of Kids in ICE Custody Say Trump Deserves Nobel Peace Prize

A poll shows a vast majority of children separated from their parents and held in custody by U.S. immigration officials believe President Donald Trump should be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

The Gallup Poll reveals that more than four in five children taken away from the only family they’ve ever known say they’d like to see the 45th U.S. president receive the annual prize awarded to those who “shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations, the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses.”

Of the 640 Immigration and Customs Enforcement detainees between the ages of 4 and 17 surveyed, 82% responded affirmatively when asked if Trump should get the award. When asked why they believe Trump should get the Nobel, many of the respondents pointed at positive economy numbers.

“Just look at how awesome the stock market has been doing since Trump took office,” explained 8-year-old Javier Ramirez, who hasn’t seen his mother or father since ICE agents snatched him away from them more than two months ago. “That’s an irrefutable indicator of widespread prosperity, and — as everyone knows — peace and prosperity go together.”

“After hearing all my friends talk about what they did during their summers, it’s like I finally got to go to camp thanks to President Trump. So yeah, I’m good with him getting the peace prize.”

Some respondents told polltakers that they appreciated the government-enforced vacation from their parents.

“After hearing all my friends talk about what they did during their summers, it’s like I finally got to go to camp thanks to President Trump. So yeah, I’m good with him getting the peace prize,” said Antonio Barraras, 13, who’s been held in a jail cell with three other teenagers since last week. “I always wanted to go to camp but had to help my father with his landscaping business. God, I hate my parents.”

Meanwhile, Camila Hernandez said she knows it’s not Trump’s fault she’s on the verge of being deported back to Guatemala, even though she hasn’t been there since her parents fled to the U.S. when she was 2 months old.

“I blame the Democrats. They wrote the law that made ICE take me from my folks three months ago,” said the 10-year-old, who agrees Trump deserves the Nobel. “Everybody is out to get him. At least he can pardon himself out of this witch hunt.”

 

 

About Tony Swartz

Tony Swartz
Tony is proof that you can write Peabody-worthy news without ever darkening the halls of journalism school.

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