A wardrobe malfunction during today’s White House press briefing revealed yet another staffing shake-up in the Trump administration.
While leaning forward at the lectern to read from her preapproved remarks, White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders snagged an eyelid on the microphone and tore off half of her face, revealing a lobotomized Sean Spicer hiding underneath.
“This is an assault on the president of the United States!” Spicer moaned as security hastily shuffled him away from the stage amid questions shouted from the gathered press pool.
With both of his press secretaries apparently out of commission, President Donald Trump was quick to issue a statement on Twitter.
“I had Mike Huckabee play along like it was his daughter and got my doctor to blend up Spicey’s noodle to give him some personality.”
“I always loved Spicey, but he was starting to lose the public’s trust. So one week when he was supposedly on Naval Reserve duty, I had him do the press briefing in a skin suit I made out of Rosie O’Donnell.
“I hunted her for sport at my Los Angeles Golf Club yeeeeaaarrsss ago, but I like to keep the suit around for gross sex stuff and charity appearances.
“Anyways, the press liked ‘Sarah’ so much that I had Mike Huckabee play along like it was his daughter and got my doctor to blend up Spicey’s noodle to give him some personality.”
Per Trump’s orders, both the “Sarah” suit and Sean Spicer will be cleaned and repaired in time for the next briefing.