Man Running From Law Enforcement Claims He’s Innocent

WASHINGTON, D.C. – An area man who has done nearly everything in his power to put distance between himself and some of the nation’s top law enforcement officials since early 2017 insists he has done nothing illegal.

Donald John Trump, 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., has steadfastly maintained his innocence regarding numerous crimes — including collusion with a hostile foreign power and obstruction of justice — despite the fact he’s been actively evading cops investigating those matters.

“There’s been no collusion. There’s been no crime,” Trump proclaimed earlier this month at his Camp David hideout, where he reportedly mapped out his strategy to continue avoiding law enforcement officials.

Trump, who is no stranger to the legal system, has managed to give the slip to the likes of former U.S. Deputy Attorney General Sally Yates, former FBI Director James Comey, and former FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe. The sudden ends of their careers as pre-eminent members of the country’s law enforcement community came as a result of Trump doggedly weaseling out of facing potential criminal charges.

“Only guilty people run from the cops.”

Meanwhile, sources indicate Trump is considering hatching a plan to ditch current U.S. Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein, who is overseeing Special Counselor Robert Mueller’s investigation into Trump and his gang.

Additionally, Trump’s lawyers are reportedly crafting a scheme to ensure their boss dodges Mueller and his questions about Trump’s alleged illegal activities.

Trump’s persistent efforts to elude the country’s top cops and throw them off his trail has raised doubts about his innocence among locals, such as Georgetown resident Chloe Easterly.

“Only guilty people run from the cops,” the dry cleaning store owner said. “If he didn’t do anything wrong, why is he running from law enforcement?” 


About Tony Swartz

Tony is proof that you can write Peabody-worthy news without ever darkening the halls of journalism school.

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