Trump Endorses Roy Moore, “Honest” Child Molesters

Last week, President Donald Trump became one of the very few high-ranking Republicans to endorse Alabama U.S. Senate candidate Roy Moore.

Per usual, he initially eschewed the press — which requires him to use his own words and mouth to communicate — in favor of Twitter to throw his support behind Moore.

Later, when asked by a reporter how he could endorse an accused child molester, Trump replied, “I know many child molesters, most notably my good good friend and fellow billionaire Jeffrey Epstein. The man knows how to throw a party. Believe me.

“I’ve been accused of some things by the fake news, and my own stupid stupid mouth. On tape. Which I apologized for. I’m obviously a liar. Fake news. I’m a sex offender.

“We can’t trust these underage girls. It’s obvious they can’t keep a promise, like keeping a secret or not going to the police.”

“I trust sex offenders. They’re honest with their emotions. We can’t trust these underage girls. It’s obvious they can’t keep a promise, like keeping a secret or not going to the police.

“We need to drain the swamp of these fake Republicans who don’t hold up real Republican values like squeezing the poor by their wallets and vaginas. I need like-minded men who are willing to admit they like women who can’t drive.”

Trump went on to explain that, now that congressional Republicans have shoved through their tax bill, they don’t need a puppet in the White House and will likely cooperate with taking his inexperienced, incompetent ass out.

“It’d be nice to have somebody in Congress that owes me one. Believe me.”

 

About Knick Moore

Knick Moore
Knick Moore hasn't been a smoker since 2007. However, this picture is just too stylish to replace.

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