Cajun Navy Member Caught Trying to Enter North Korea to Help “Them Poor Chinamen”

A Louisiana man arrested while attempting to cross the Korean Demilitarized Zone claims he’s a member of the Cajun Navy volunteer group and was merely trying to render aid to the people of North Korea.

South Korean forces detained the 58-year-old U.S. citizen, identified only as “Alphonse,” after spotting the camouflage-clad man driving into the DMZ on a four-wheeler pulling a trailer loaded with a pair of meat-filled Yeti coolers and outdoor cooking gear, including a giant cast iron pot and a propane gas tank.

According to the Yonhap News Agency, the man told local police that he’s a member of the Cajun Navy and felt compelled to travel more than 300 miles away from home for the first time in his life after seeing a report about the widespread starvation of North Korean citizens.

“I figured I could save them poor Chinamen from starving. In South Louisiana, the only thing we deal with better than floods is food.”

“We done helped save all them people from all that water in Baton Rouge and Houston; I figured I could save them poor Chinamen from starving,” Alphonse reportedly told authorities. “In South Louisiana, the only thing we deal with better than floods is food.”

The man reportedly said his plan was to find a North Korean family in need of feeding and set up his cooking gear on their patio, adding that he would instruct them to invite everyone they knew who was on the verge of dying from starvation to come over.

“They got all that rice but don’t know what to do with it. I was gonna show them how to cook a big ol’ mess of jambalaya so they could feed all their kin and whoever else is gaunt and about to die because they so faim. Hell, maybe they could take a plate to that Kim Jong guy to make him not launch them nukes at us. I make it that good, yeah.”

The Louisiana resident seemed unfazed after learning the DMZ is littered with land mines and guarded on both sides by heavily armed soldiers with orders to shoot anyone attempting to cross the border.

“Mais, it wouldn’t be the first time I been shot at trying to help people. Just ask my cousin Cecil about them Mexican gangs in Houston shooting at us riding in our airboat down the flooded streets over there,” he reportedly told authorities.

South Korean officials added that the man insisted he didn’t realize it was illegal to cross into North Korea.

He reportedly stated, “Trump’s gonna build that wall to keep them Mexicans out, but I don’t see why you need to protect y’all border like that when y’all all look the same.”

 

About Tony Swartz

Tony Swartz
Tony is proof that you can write Peabody-worthy news without ever darkening the halls of journalism school.

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