Louisiana Department of Education Sues Knock Knock Children’s Museum for Being More Effective

In an effort to maintain the state’s traditional, stale learning system, the Louisiana Department of Education is suing the Knock Knock Children’s Museum for its improper, entertaining method of teaching children.

“They’re tricking children into learning, and that’s just wrong,” Louisiana Superintendent of Education John White said. “If kids are going to benefit from a proper education, they have to be bored to tears in a classroom. Why do you think we’re pushing Common Core so much?”

From camps to learning nights to working with educators at key ages to improve children’s learning skills, Knock Knock has angered many of the state’s educational leaders.

“How dare they think we can’t provide this for our youth,” Assistant Superintendent Rebecca Kockler protested. “Sure, Louisiana ranks low to dead last in every statistical category, but that just means we have tons of potential. And places like Knock Knock just make it harder for us to realize that potential.”

“They’re tricking children into learning, and that’s just wrong.”

Surprisingly, kids do not agree with these education officials, with some during a recent tour going so far as to throw tantrums when hearing the museum might be closed. When asked why they were crying, most of the kids just looked up and started to cry even more without giving a comprehensible explanation. It wasn’t until one of the moms gave everyone Capri Suns that they all calmed down.

This isn’t the first time an outside entity has felt the wrath of Louisiana’s educational system. In 2005, Celebration Station was sued for “unlawful learning” when the entertainment venue installed several memory games.

“The department felt this was too close to teaching them something and insisted we switch back to our more mindless attractions,” Celebration Station owner Peter Knolls recalled. “That didn’t matter to us too much, except we were making a killing on those machines, thanks to the school system.”

In 2013, education officials also called for the removal of the TV show Bill Nye, the Science Guy from all local affiliates, despite the fact it was canceled in 1998.

“We were just covering our bases,” White explained.

The lawsuits are likely to continue given the department’s determination to strangle any outside attempts at healthy mind development.

“If we had our way, we’d have school all year round,” White said, “but that would piss off the teachers, so we’d better not.”

 

About Robert Rau

Considered a poor man's Pat Sajak, Robert is a mild mannered state employee by day, entertainer by night.

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