BEDMINSTER, NJ — Upon learning nearly two weeks after the fact that four U.S. Army Special Forces members were killed in Africa, President Donald Trump posthumously awarded them Special Olympics medals.
Trump was finally informed during his 69th golf outing as president that the elite Army soldiers perished in an ambush attack by terrorists in Niger earlier this month.
Following a brief IQ test with Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, Trump marched to the podium that was set up near the sixth green, armed with four Special Olympics gold medals.
“I can’t give them the Medal of Honor, which is a tremendous honor, but these are still incredible participation trophies, because they tried.”
“I want to tell you today about four very brave, special Americans who weren’t captured. That’s right: They laid down their lives in Africa rather than be captured, which is more than I can say for that loser John McCain.
“Because of their great sacrifice, I am bestowing on them the gold medals that are normally reserved for people who win in the Special Olympics. I can’t give them the Medal of Honor, which is a tremendous honor, but these are still incredible participation trophies, because they tried.”
The Donald was fortunately distracted by a picture of an NFL player kneeling prior to the national anthem before he could try to pronounce the name of the country Niger.