MAR-A-LAGO, FL — A study commissioned by President Donald Trump revealed water is not just wet but also often proves to be a major problem associated with hurricanes.
The White House last week released the stunning findings of the study, which was funded by cuts to FEMA.
During an impromptu press conference on the 17th green at Trump’s Mar-a-Lago golf course, the president held up a copy of the report before handing it off to former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin to help with the bigly words.
“This report proves that our response to Puerto Rico after Hurricane Maria is much better than Obama’s response to Katrina,” Trump relayed. “Thousands of people died during Katrina, but Puerto Rico has fared well despite all of the water and ocean between us and them.
“This report proves that our response to Puerto Rico after Hurricane Maria is much better than Obama’s response to Katrina.”
“My administration has dispatched the Cajun Navy out on that huge amount of water. Great people, tremendous people, and they will be bringing billions of dollars in aid from Nigeria as soon as we send that money to that prince who needs our help reclaiming his lost fortune.”
EPA chief Scott Pruitt was quick to point out that hurricane damage suffered during the Trump presidency is in no way related to climate change.
“The liberal media and their Soros-funded scientists are always talking about climate change,” Pruitt explained while standing with driver in hand on the tee box of the 18th hole at Mar-a-Lago. “However, this study proves that the most death and damage is caused by water, which has been around since God created the world 6,000 years ago.
“The people of Puerto Rico have nothing to worry about. The thoughts, prayers, and tweets of this administration are somewhat with the people of that faraway island. Plus, we’re pretty sure Sarah Palin can see San Juan from here. Now, watch this tremendous drive.”