Not to be upstaged by Sen. Ted Cruz, Louisiana Rep. Clay Higgins has reportedly hit “like” on a number of risqué Twitter posts in order to regain the spotlight from his Texas rival.
According to an unnamed source at the U.S. Capitol building, Higgins spent most of his morning tapping “like” on various Twitter posts that ranged from David Duke rants about white supremacy to adult videos involving feces and vomiting.
Higgins reportedly missed several key votes on disaster relief after getting sidetracked trying to remove viruses from his phone, as well as spending approximately one month’s worth of back child support on ransomware. As a result, his proposed legislation aimed at creating a carp processing factory was left high and dry while the former Crime Stoppers star explored the deepest crevices of the social media website.
An anonymous member of Higgins’ staff confirmed that the congressman from Port Barre was furious at being upstaged by Cruz recently liking an adult video post from his official account. The former St. Landry Parish sheriff’s captain also was apparently surprised that adult videos were so accessible on Twitter.
The congressman from Port Barre was furious at being upstaged by Cruz recently liking an adult video post from his official account.
Although The Red Shtick was not able to reach Higgins for comment, he did issue a brief press release:
“For as long as I have been in office, I have been known as the congressional pervert! The things I may or may not have done in the Lafayette swingers scene would put Cruz to shame. The senator from Texas had better get his affairs in order. This is MY territory!”
At last report, Higgins was considering uploading his family’s vacation videos from Tijuana while muttering something about donkeys. If he does indeed share this video, we will not touch it, even with someone else’s 10-foot shtick.