Donald Trump Promises 100 Tons of Play-Doh for Texas Flood Victims

Speaking from his weekend vacation at one of his golf courses, Donald Trump promised aid to Hurricane Harvey recovery efforts in the form of Play-Doh.

Knee-deep in the 15th bunker and on his 10th mulligan, Trump announced that he would take care of homeless and beleaguered southeast Texas flood victims by sending them 200,000 pounds of the venerable modeling compound.

As another golf ball bounced off the edge of the bunker and further into the sand, The Donald explained how he would provide relief for the residents of a state that voted for him.

“This shipment of Play-Doh will build the best levees, the most beautiful levees, believe me. Nobody knows levees like I know levees. Trust me, they will be tremendous!

“Remember last year when Louisiana flooded? Who brought Play-Doh in the middle of a disaster? That’s right, Donald J. Trump, that’s who!”

“Seriously, did Obama ever deliver Play-Doh to flood victims when he was president? I don’t think so. Remember last year when Louisiana flooded? Who brought Play-Doh in the middle of a disaster? That’s right, Donald J. Trump, that’s who!”

Trump then consulted with his caddie about the next selection of irons that could take him to the 16th green in less than 10 strokes, while blaming the liberal media for the last 10 triple bogeys.

Upon being questioned by reporters about when he would visit Houston, Trump stated that he didn’t want to be a distraction during a natural disaster or tie up law enforcement agencies who could be rescuing victims instead.

“I don’t want to get in the way when precious resources could be tending to things that matter, unlike my campaign stop in Louisiana last year. It was different then: I had to pretend that I cared about those poor rednecks who would eventually vote for me. Now watch this drive!”

The Red Shtick will keep you in the loop as events unfold in Houston. We’re sending an intern with a tractor-trailer full of thoughts and prayers, which should be about as useful as 100 tons of Play-Doh.

 

About Manny Schewitz

Manny Schewitz is a progressive liberal from the Dirty South with a thirst for the truth, humor, and whiskey. He is a co-founder of Progressive Frontier, an avid poker player, and an unapologetic liberal who supports gun regulations. Manny is also on Facebook, and you can follow him on Twitter as well.

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