Trump Plans to Sell Louisiana Back to France to Reduce National Debt

The Donald is considering selling Louisiana back to France in order to pay down the national debt, according to a leaked White House memo.

A source in the shrubbery near the Oval Office obtained the memo indicating President Donald Trump floated the idea to French President Emmanuel Macron during his visit to France earlier this summer.

While Trump hasn’t settled on a hard opening price for the Bayou State, other unnamed sources say the president is leaning toward asking for around one trillion dollars.

Additionally, The Red Shtick obtained — from someone who is definitely not Scott Angelle — a secret transcript of Trump discussing his plan to sell Louisiana back to France. It reveals the alleged billionaire hopes to realize a huge return on the nation’s initial investment of $15 million in 1803.

“Look, we sell Louisiana back to the French. We don’t need the state to win in 2020, and they don’t even speak proper American.”

The transcript also shows Trump is especially concerned about governmental spending associated with the state’s Electronic Benefits Transfer program. The president seems to believe the Louisiana Purchase Card has been abused by low-income residents to buy food, water, and other states.

“Look, we sell Louisiana back to the French. We don’t need the state to win in 2020, and they don’t even speak proper American,” Trump said, according to the transcript. “The costs for the roads and the welfare checks is tremendous, it’s a yuuugge drain on our tax dollars, and quite frankly, even their football teams are mediocre at best. Have you seen the New Orleans Saints? Low energy, very sad!”

Pressed on the issue by an unknown staffer from Louisiana who expressed concerns about the sale, Trump clarified his remarks.

“I figure they wouldn’t notice this change. After all, they still haven’t learned that the South lost the Civil War, and half the streets have French names. By the time Louisiana residents realize what happened, it’ll be 2189, and they’ll all be underwater anyhow.”

The Red Shtick will keep you up-to-date with the developments of this story as they unfold.

 

About Manny Schewitz

Manny Schewitz is a progressive liberal from the Dirty South with a thirst for the truth, humor, and whiskey. He is a co-founder of Progressive Frontier, an avid poker player, and an unapologetic liberal who supports gun regulations. Manny is also on Facebook, and you can follow him on Twitter as well.

Check Also

CDC Warns Tailgaters of Party Parasites Eating Food, Drinking Liquor

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has warned all tailgate partygoers to be on the lookout this football season for what it is calling “party parasites.”