REPORT: LSU Turns Down Richard Spencer, Cites Lack of Space to Host Louisiana Racists

LSU has joined other schools in Texas and Florida by rejecting alt-right leader Richard Spencer’s bid to host a gathering of white supremacists on campus.

The outspoken shithead has been struggling to find a college campus to host his next gathering of neo-Nazis, Ku Klux Klan sympathizers, Confederacy apologists, and other purveyors of alleged white power. Officials from the schools have expressed reservations about his proposed rally, designed to appeal to racists often found in local news stations’ Facebook comment sections.

Spencer insisted LSU would be an ideal site for the demonstration, citing the six-figure seating capacity of Tiger Stadium as well as the flares from nearby factories that the white supremacy leader said would provide “the perfect backlighting” for a Nazi rally.

Additionally, the coiner of the term “alt-right” claimed an appearance by LSU alumnus David Duke would draw many area racists, lending the event a true Louisiana feel.

Spencer countered by insisting that his rally would bring an economic boon to local chicken tender joints and stores that sell Tiki torches and/or white sheets.

LSU President F. King Alexander answered by pointing out logistics that he said would make it impossible for LSU to serve as host.

“Like, shit, come on now. We’d need to rent a small country to be able to host that thing. Even if we could get all of his supporters into Death Valley, it would take us months to rid it of the smell of Axe body spray and incest,” Alexander said.

Spencer countered by insisting that his rally would bring an economic boon to local chicken tender joints and stores that sell Tiki torches and/or white sheets.

LSU came back with a proposal to host the rally in Mike the Tiger’s habitat once the school’s new live tiger mascot had moved in. Spencer declined the offer.

Local Ku Klux Klan leaders eventually persuaded Spencer that Baton Rouge would serve as a poor site for the rally after they took him on a tour of the Horace Wilkinson Bridge, which carries Interstate 10 traffic over the Mississippi River. KKK leaders reportedly convinced Spencer that his racist followers likely wouldn’t be able to get to the rally in time, even if they could afford the gas money to get there.

Sources say Spencer is considering holding a rally at the statue of Alfred Mouton in Lafayette instead.

Attendance for that event also is expected to be poor after a recent power outage in New Iberia fried the batteries of most Rascal scooters. Attendees also face the daunting challenge of making it to downtown Lafayette, thanks to the traffic jams outside the Chick-fil-A on Ambassador Caffery Boulevard.

 

About Manny Schewitz

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Manny Schewitz is a progressive liberal from the Dirty South with a thirst for the truth, humor, and whiskey. He is a co-founder of Progressive Frontier, an avid poker player, and an unapologetic liberal who supports gun regulations. Manny is also on Facebook, and you can follow him on Twitter as well.

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