David Duke’s Face 50% Melted After Exposure to the Sun

Neo-Nazi and KKK superstar David Duke has suffered a grievous injury after being exposed to the sun during the “Unite the Right” rally in Charlottesville, VA.

Aside from multiple injuries and one fatality caused by a Nazi supporter ramming his car into a crowd of people, Duke was hospitalized with third-degree burns.

A spokesman for the University of Virginia Medical Center confirmed Duke was in intensive care due to the left side of his face partially melting after the jostling of an umbrella accidentally exposed his face to the midday sun.

“Half of Mr. Duke’s face melted due to an accidental exposure to the sun,” stated UVA surgeon Richard “Dick” Goesinya, a recent immigrant from New Zealand. “We are attempting to reconstruct his face, but due to the bleaching of his skin and multiple previous cosmetic surgeries, this is proving to be a very daunting task. We’re also having problems finding any doctors who want to work on the mess that is his skull.”

While Duke is expected to survive, doctors warn he will only be 99% as racist as he was before his injuries.

Goesinya said no money has been donated to help cover Duke’s medical expenses so far, but added that hospital staff are busy trying to convert thoughts and prayers of various Louisiana Facebook page comments into dollars.

South Louisiana resident “T-Dave” Richeaux, an avid supporter of President Donald Trump, has called for a rally in support of Duke, complete with a burning cross, in Washington Parish.

Goesinya said Duke also required a blood transfusion, which he explained was hard to achieve because of the former congressman’s demand for white blood only.

While Duke is expected to survive, doctors warn he will only be 99% as racist as he was before his injuries.

The Red Shtick will keep you in the loop with the latest updates.


About Manny Schewitz

Manny Schewitz is a progressive liberal from the Dirty South with a thirst for the truth, humor, and whiskey. He is a co-founder of Progressive Frontier, an avid poker player, and an unapologetic liberal who supports gun regulations. Manny is also on Facebook, and you can follow him on Twitter as well.

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