Earlier today, a group of troubled White House staffers spoke to reporters about President Donald Trump’s newfound obsession with the hit HBO series Game of Thrones.
“Plenty of us got tired of Fox News playing in the background, so we switched the channels to something else,” spokesman Tim Guniths said. “We really thought Game of Thrones would just be a helpful distraction for the president, but he has really taken a liking to the story and has drawn parallels to his own life. Now that’s all he talks about, and we’re starting to worry.”
Guniths notes President Trump is constantly quoting the show, as well as visiting various Game of Thrones online forums under the username “APresidentHasNoName69.”
“Trump has taken a shine to Cersei Lannister and has developed an unhealthy bond with the character,” explained Guniths, referencing the fictional monarch from the show based on the literary work of George R.R. Martin. “It makes sense he would gravitate to the Lannisters. With all the blonde hair, the lust for power, and the incest, I guess the president can relate.”
“He asked Sean Spicer to shave his head and wear a robe like Vayrs. It seemed like Spicer was on board until he found out Varys was a eunuch. Probably explains why he quit.”
Trump also has reportedly started redecorating the White House to give it more of a Westeros feel. Staffers say he’s added a map of the U.S. in the Oval Office, employed a pack of dire wolves as his personal bodyguards, and has even gone as far as replacing his seat at cabinet meetings with the Iron Throne.
“The president was disappointed that the chair looked more like the one in the show and not the massive one in the books. But we have people talking with a guy in China,” Guniths stated before mouthing the words “help us.”
Trump also has started to ask others to participate with him in re-creating some of his favorite scenes, according to the staffers.
“Last week, he asked Sean Spicer to shave his head and wear a robe like Vayrs,” Guniths recalled. “It seemed like Spicer was on board until he found out Varys was a eunuch. Probably explains why he quit.”
When asked if there was a better show for the president to binge-watch, Guniths expressed concerns about further negative consequences.
“We’ve already screwed up with House of Cards and The Handmaid’s Tale. Right now, we feel any new show would just dig a deeper hole.”