Doctors Say Steve Scalise Quickly Recovering Contempt for Poor

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Doctors caring for Steve Scalise at MedStar Washington Hospital Center announced that the Louisiana congressman is regaining his disdain for destitute and disenfranchised people quicker than any of them anticipated after a recent infection scare readmitted him to intensive care.

“Representative Scalise arrived in ICU in very serious condition. He was unresponsive to a racial dog whistle blown directly in his ear,” Scalise’s surgeon revealed at a press conference this morning. “It took nothing short of 500 CCs of vituperative Breitbart editorials just to stabilize him for surgery.”

“Steve hadn’t talked for days, and his eyes were still closed, but he would squeeze my hand every now and then when Tucker Carlson came on Fox News.”

Scalise’s wife related a significant turning point in his recovery with a poignant anecdote.

“Steve hadn’t talked for days, and his eyes were still closed, but he would squeeze my hand every now and then when Tucker Carlson came on Fox News,” she recalled. “Then one morning he motioned for the pad of paper beside his bed. When he dropped it on his chest, I saw he had scrawled ‘Medicaid is unsustainable.’ And I just thought, ‘That’s my Steve. He’s still in there.'”

While the hospital has not given a timeline for the House majority whip’s release, a source who spoke on condition of anonymity is optimistic that Scalise could be ready to revoke basic health care for 20 million elderly and low-income Americans as soon as October.

 

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