Bill Cassidy Quietly Adds “On Opposite Day” to End of Kimmel Test

Louisiana Sen. Bill Cassidy shook up health care advocacy this week when he was overheard muttering “on opposite day” under his breath after explaining his “Kimmel Test” standard.

“My standard for any Obamacare replacement is that no family should be denied medical care because they can’t afford it [on opposite day],” Cassidy can be heard saying in a recording from a recent town hall meeting in Baton Rouge.

This soft-spoken addendum was discovered after the fact, when a television news producer amplified the audio during the editing process.

“I will vote against any bill that harms Louisiana families [when pigs fly].”

The Kimmel Test is a term coined by Cassidy, inspired by late-night host Jimmy Kimmel’s disclosure of his newborn’s costly emergency heart surgery. It has been interpreted as evidence of a moderating influence in the Senate that could temper removal of pre-existing condition coverage and Medicaid cuts present in previous American Health Care Act replacement drafts.

When asked if this addition to the Kimmel Test represented a shift in his stance on affordable health care, Cassidy said, “Well, no. I will vote against any bill that harms Louisiana families [when pigs fly].”

Later, with his arms folded, Cassidy stated, “The bottom line is that I am in Washington to represent my constituents in sickness and health, not to feign compassion before towing the party line.”

When asked if his fingers were crossed, Cassidy ducked into a nearby elevator without answering.

 

About Chris Wedgewood

Chris Wedgewood
Chris has been retweeted by people who read nationwide publications like The New York Times and The Washington Post. He plays bass in the swamp metal band Saint Landry Perish.

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