Calandro’s Supermarket Bans Black Groceries From Stores

Black groceries have been banned from both Calandro’s Supermarket locations, a press release from the locally owned company says.

Starting Monday, Calandro’s will refuse shipments of any and all black foods, including licorice, black beans, and squid ink pasta.

Additionally, poppyseed bagels missed the cut. According to management, if black seeds or toppings cover more than three-fifths of any item, it falls under the ban.

“This has nothing to do with race. We just don’t have room on our shelves anymore for white tea, green tea, and black tea.”

This unexpected step comes after an African-American patron recently was mistakenly accused of theft and ejected from the Government Street location while shopping with a reusable grocery bag. A social media outcry prompted the chain to issue a written apology.

“We felt like it was time to simplify,” said Blaise Calandro, co-owner of the decades-old, family-operated chain. “In my day, there wasn’t all this gray area about who or what could come into the store. Everything was much more black and white. Well, more white, anyway. We still carry red and green peppers, but who ever heard of a black pepper?”

When pressed about the chain’s long-standing refusal to accept EBT payments and persistent reports of racial profiling, Calandro said, “This has nothing to do with race. We just don’t have room on our shelves anymore for white tea, green tea, and black tea. I’m sure there are any number of stores on the other side of Florida Boulevard that will be happy to sell it to you.”

 

About Chris Wedgewood

Chris Wedgewood
Chris has been retweeted by people who read nationwide publications like The New York Times and The Washington Post. He plays bass in the swamp metal band Saint Landry Perish.

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