Donald Trump Lauds Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben for Leading Slaves to Freedom

The Red Shtick’s intern Dave Robicheaux managed to catch up with President Donald Trump before he hopped on Hair Force One to leave New Orleans and head back to Mar-a-Lago. Still a bit ruffled after his recent Colonel Sanders debacle, Trump was not in the mood for another interview, but he was finally persuaded with a bucket of fresh KFC.

Robicheaux asked Trump about his connection to the New Orleans Confederate monuments and why they were so important to him. He also quizzed the alleged billionaire about the monument preservation efforts of Lt. Gov. Billy Nungesser, who happened to be accompanying Trump and was elbows-deep into his second bucket of extra-crispy chicken.

Trump: “You know, Dave … I’m sick of the liberal media twisting what I say. The Confederate monuments are a yuuuge part of New Orleans history. I came down to Louisiana because Billy here has a very vocal base of supporters he needs to pander to if he wants to be governor in 2019. I mean, he’s very passionate about Louisiana values.”

The Red Shtick: “Mr. President, you know that there aren’t any monuments to the people who tried to end slavery, or the people who suffered for over 200 years in the fields of Louisiana, right?”

“I even gave Uncle Ben a job in my cabinet, running the Department of Housing and Urban Development, to serve the people he saved from slavery.”

Trump: “Mr. Robicheaux, that is complete nonsense, and you obviously don’t know your history. Uncle Ben and Aunt Jemima were very important members of the cause to free slaves. In fact, Aunt Jemima ran the Underground Railroad, a very tremendous railroad that took thousands of the blacks to safety on Fifth Avenue and 53rd Street in New York.”

The Red Shtick: “Sir, with all due respect, I think you mean Harriet Tubman and the Underground Railroad, not Aunt Jemima and the New York Metro System.”

Trump: “Complete nonsense. Both Uncle Ben and Aunt Jemima did a great job, and I honored both of them along with Rosa Parks and Frederick Douglass. Tremendous people who are doing a lot of good work, and they’re getting more recognition these days. I even gave Uncle Ben a job in my cabinet, running the Department of Housing and Urban Development, to serve the people he saved from slavery.”

At this point, President Trump broke off the interview to board Hair Force One.

After finishing his third bucket of chicken, Billy Nungesser turned back into a nutria, hopped on the back of a passing alligator, and began making his way back to Plaquemines Parish.


About Manny Schewitz

Manny Schewitz is a progressive liberal from the Dirty South with a thirst for the truth, humor, and whiskey. He is a co-founder of Progressive Frontier, an avid poker player, and an unapologetic liberal who supports gun regulations. Manny is also on Facebook, and you can follow him on Twitter as well.

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