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Area Cajun Says Food Network “a Bunch of Pussies”

PLATTENVILLE – Bobby Flay would get his ass whipped if he ever squared off against Sherman Gautreaux, the Plattenville resident said this week.

That “redheaded fag with the ponytail” wouldn’t stand a chance with Sherman, either, according to the 49-year-old warehouse worker.

“Everybody on that Food Network is nothing but a bunch of pussies,” Gautreaux said of the all-cooking cable network. “I can make two eggs taste better than the shit those city slickers call cooking.”

Why doesn’t the network ever send its big-name chefs to South Louisiana, Gautreaux rhetorically asked while cooking a backyard jambalaya for his niece’s birthday party.

Because the executives know their own culinary experts would get “schooled” if they ever came down here. That’s why, he answered himself, handing his brother-in-law a fresh Miller Lite pony.

Gautreaux then adjusted the wood fire and switched the conversation to his political insights.


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About Tony Swartz

Tony Swartz
Tony is proof that you can write Peabody-worthy news without ever darkening the halls of journalism school.

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