El Rio 728×90 map background
GCF: Athlete in You 728×90

IN FOCUS: U.S. Rep. Clay Higgins’ Mexican Border Video

If there are two things U.S. Rep. Clay Higgins loves, it’s all things law enforcement and starring in condescending, single-camera, viral videos shot outdoors on location.

The man best known for his popular Crime Stoppers videos in which he stared down the camera as a St. Landry Parish Sheriff’s Office spokesman is now a congressman representing Louisiana’s 3rd District. But that doesn’t mean “the Cajun John Wayne” doesn’t still have the itch to get out in the shit with a camera operator to draw a cartoonish contrast between his badassness and the badness of vaunted bad guys.

He may no longer be able to do such videos while wearing a police uniform reminiscent of Gunnery Sgt. Hartman’s Bravos in Full Metal Jacket, but potential locales for filming have drastically expanded from the confines of St. Landry Parish to almost any place in the U.S. conducive to visually reinforcing Higgins’ over-the-top alpha-male persona.

One such location: a hilly, rocky desert area along the U.S-Mexico border. That’s where Higgins recorded an 80-second video he published this week detailing the dangers border patrol agents encounter as targets of one of the oldest deadly weapons known to man: the rock.

No, not Dwayne Johnson. An actual rock.

And as Higgins shows, all along the border, there’s a virtually limitless supply of them, which illegal immigrants can throw to take out agents from hundreds of yards, something liberal reporters just don’t seem to get.

Of course, there are likely skeptics in his voter base who don’t fully appreciate the perils of being hit by rocks, which is why Higgins cites the Bible (aka God’s physics textbook).

The former sheriff’s deputy captain then proceeds to slam a rock against the metal cages protecting the windshield and windows of a U.S. Border Patrol vehicle. Sadly, border patrol agents not only have to keep the bad guys who want to rape and murder each and every one of you out of the country, but they also have to design and build their own aftermarket tactical defense equipment like Bruce Wayne and Mad Max did.

“Well, the cop store called, and they’re running out of YOU!”

And you want to know why they have to do all that themselves? Because you can’t buy that stuff at the cop store. That’s right, the cop store doesn’t care about the safety of border patrol agents! Otherwise, they wouldn’t make our hard-working agents become part-time spot welders.

Yet, despite the meager protection the custom-outfitted metal cages provide their patrol vehicles against rocks hurled by organic Hispanic Howitzers, Higgins bemoans the less-than-lethal weapons agents may use to respond. If the congressman had his druthers, our Southern border would be delineated by illegals’ blood drawn by his Glock.

They say you can take the media whore out of the police, but you can’t take the police out of the media whore. Happy hunting, Rep. Higgins!

 

What Do You Think Of This Shtick?

About Editorial Staff

Editorial Staff
A random collection of overqualified, underachieving smartasses.

Check Also

This Month in Bizarre Sex Acts: Don’t Cock-block Centenarians

Recently in the news, there were three stories that arrested my attention, each one going hard out the gate to win the 2017 sex act of the year award.