Spencer Calahan Fantasy Camp Promises to Teach On-Camera Catching Fundamentals, Law If Time Allows

Injury attorney and serial television commercial participant Spencer Calahan is offering a four-week retreat for anyone seeking to learn the basics of catching various sporting accessories while talking to a camera, with any leftover time to be used to discuss the business of being a lawyer.

“Ever since I passed the bar exam and became a lawyer, my passion has been to snag footballs, basketballs, and the like during commercials,” Calahan said in a press conference yesterday announcing the inaugural Spencer Calahan Fantasy Camp. “And I want to pass on this knowledge to anyone who wants to improve his or her hand-eye coordination. Also, if time allows, we can talk about attorney stuff.”

Calahan has been a fixture of prime-time TV advertisements in which he typically states his name and the sporting event currently airing, and physically catches something related to said event that is thrown at him.

“Let me tell you, guys: It was tough getting the technique down in the first couple of shoots,” Calahan insisted. “I would cup my arms into a basket, have my palms up, head turned, and eyes closed while gritting my teeth. If I was lucky enough to catch the ball, I completely forgot my line and would just smile at the camera.”

“These kids can go to law school if they really want to know what it’s like to be a lawyer. I’m willing to give them the edge they’ll need to stand apart from other aspiring attorneys and advertising clowns.”

Calahan said it wasn’t until LSU football legend and All-Pro New York Giants wide receiver Odell Beckham Jr. got involved that his technique improved.

“We had to break Spencer back down to basics, make him become master of the ball,” Beckham explained. “And we certainly had to stop him from yelling ‘Yiiiip’ while he was catching it. It wasn’t easy, especially if any of those balls came near his face. It was the hardest two months of my life.”

Calahan expressed a desire to pass along what he’s learned to the next generation, and says his monthlong course promises to offer the tools future attorneys will need if they ever want to become the face of their own law firm.

“These kids can go to law school if they really want to know what it’s like to be a lawyer,” Calahan said. “I’m willing to give them the edge they’ll need to stand apart from other aspiring attorneys and advertising clowns.”

Business insiders speculate that if this venture is successful, other similar fantasy camps — like Owens Collision’s Karaoke Camp and Simple Simon’s Seminars on Dressing Like an Old Lady/Baby — likely will open.

 

About Robert Rau

Robert Rau
Considered a poor man's Pat Sajak, Robert is a mild mannered state employee by day, entertainer by night.

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