EPA Chief Scott Pruitt Blames Greenhouse Gas Emissions on His Dog

The head of the Environmental Protection Agency said he does not believe humans are responsible for emissions that contribute to climate change.

Scott Pruitt, the former Oklahoma attorney general appointed by President Donald Trump, firmly asserted on CNBC’s Squawk Box last week that his family’s dog is the source of any gases in the atmosphere that might be contributing to global warming.

“Bosley looks pretty harmless, but trust me, the noxious fumes that come out of that little thing are a hazard to all of humanity,” Pruitt said as he held up his cellphone and pointed accusingly to a photo of his family’s 11-year-old mixed terrier. “My wife often tries to pin such gas releases on people in the house, like me, but we all know the dog is the real culprit, right?”

“We’ve got an appointment with the vet later this week to see about changing Bosley’s diet. It’s the least we can do to help save the planet.”

Pruitt said he is considering taking action to help curb these canine emissions that he claims are powerful enough to melt the Earth’s polar ice caps.

“We’ve got an appointment with the vet later this week to see about changing Bosley’s diet. It’s the least we can do to help save the planet,” Pruitt explained.

Pruitt, who is a notoriously close ally of the petroleum and natural gas industry, also suspects his pooch may have induced a severe spike in earthquakes in the Sooner State over the past few years.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s the true cause of all those tremors folks back home are blaming on fracking injection wells,” Pruitt stated. “His constant digging in our backyard has got to have wreaked havoc on the Earth’s tectonic plates or something.”

 

About Tony Swartz

Tony Swartz
Tony is proof that you can write Peabody-worthy news without ever darkening the halls of journalism school.

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