H&R Block Offers Tax Advice for Professional Protesters

One of the country’s largest tax preparation service companies is offering free tax tips to people conservatives claim are compensated financially to cause problems for President Donald Trump’s administration.

In an attempt to lure new business, H&R Block has launched an outreach program with complimentary advice tailored toward the tens of thousands of individuals who are purportedly being paid handsomely by liberal sugar daddies, such as billionaire George Soros, to take to the streets and create the illusion of a groundswell of opposition to Trump and his policies.

“Professional protesting is a rapidly growing segment of the American economy,” explained H&R Block corporate spokesman Gene King, “which means a lot of people will be paying taxes on income earned for protesting for the first time in their lives. We just want them to know that we don’t want them to get in trouble with the IRS, nor pay the government they’re being paid to protest a single penny more than is legally required.”

Some tips being offered to professionals in the protesting industry via social media and online advertising include general reminders, like keeping track of important tax documents, such as W-2s and 1099s, from their respective benefactors. Other, more detailed tidbits clarify the deductibility of various expenses associated with the business of boisterously demonstrating against the most powerful man on the planet.

“Food can be tricky. While meals are only 50% deductible, rotten eggs and tomatoes thrown during protests are 100% deductible.”

“We have sponsored tweets, Facebook posts, and web ads letting professional protesters know they can itemize protesting supplies, like poster board and markers for signs,” King stated. “Even gasoline can be deducted 100% as a business expense if it’s used to start a car fire that’s part of a demonstration. Same goes for the bottles and rags used to make Molotov cocktails.”

King said H&R Block is hoping to land a slew of new loyal customers by helping them navigate the U.S. tax code with regard to their careers as paid protesters.

“We have hundreds of protest tax specialists at our offices around the country who are trained to help negotiate the intricacies of American tax laws and loopholes,” King boasted. “For instance, food can be tricky. While meals are only 50% deductible, rotten eggs and tomatoes thrown during protests are 100% deductible.”

King added that the company also hopes to engender a feeling of goodwill with the professional protesting community in hopes they steer clear of destroying and looting H&R Block’s offices.


About Tony Swartz

Tony is proof that you can write Peabody-worthy news without ever darkening the halls of journalism school.

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