FBI Uncovers Millions of Fraudulent Votes Cast in State of Delusiana

Millions of votes were cast unlawfully in last year’s presidential election just in the state of Delusiana, according to the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

President Donald Trump lost the popular vote to former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton in November due to massive numbers of ballots cast fraudulently by “illegals” in the little-known swing state of Delusiana, FBI spokesman Michael P. Kortan claimed.

“Our investigators have determined that millions of illegal votes were cast in the state of Delusiana in the 2016 presidential election,” Kortan stated. “We’re not sure exactly how many fraudulent votes were cast there. It could be 3 million or 30 billion. Anything is possible in the state of Delusiana.”

Kortan explained the difficulties involved in investigating the voter fraud in Delusiana, a state best known for exporting wild machinations.

“We’re not sure exactly how many fraudulent votes were cast there. It could be 3 million or 30 billion. Anything is possible in the state of Delusiana.”

“It was not easy getting access to the voting records in the state of Delusiana,” Kortan insisted. “Our investigators had to depend primarily on anecdotal evidence gathered by conspiracy theorist Gregg Phillips and German pro golfer Bernhard Langer.”

Kortan added that while such evidence wouldn’t normally be considered damning in other states, it is considered “rock-solid proof” in Delusiana.

We attempted to reach the governor of the state of Delusiana for comment regarding the FBI’s findings, but King Friday XIII was unavailable for comment.

 

About Tony Swartz

Tony is proof that you can write Peabody-worthy news without ever darkening the halls of journalism school.

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