Trump Visited by Three Loser Ghosts This Christmas

After a whirlwind experience most would consider life-changing, President-elect Donald Trump took to Twitter to berate the paranormal invasion he experienced the night before.

“Three loser ghosts tried to show me the error of my ways,” Trump tweeted. “They were disgusting, rude, and should be banned from Trump’s America.”

Despite their usual success rate of 100 percent, the mystical powers who previously turned arguably humanity’s most notorious curmudgeon had no effect on the soon-to-be president.

According to Trump, the experience began with an entity claiming to be his father and former business partner, Fred Trump, warning him about the night’s events.

“Some goof calling himself my Dad just broke into my house,” Trump tweeted earlier that night, “but left before justice could be served.”

Fred reportedly warned his son about what to expect, telling Donald he was now paying for all his mistakes.

One of the more shocking reveals is Trump will be the first person in 300 years to die from a trebuchet.

“This guy’s not my Dad,” Trump tweeted. “He’s just a Hillary supporter who can’t accept the truth. Get over it.”

Trump was then reportedly visited by the Ghost of Christmas Past, who showed Trump what a kind man he was until he started working for the Trump Organization.

“Just saw my past self, what a wuss,” Trump was able to tweet despite being transported to another plane of existence. “I was pale, thin, and had no style. I felt like throwing up.”

Later, the Ghost of Christmas Present showed him what all his friends and family thought about him on Christmas.

“Just saw Hillary celebrating Christmas,” Trump tweeted. “Not in jail thanks to me.”

Finally, the Ghost of Christmas Future warned Trump of what could happen to him if he keeps up his ways. One of the more shocking reveals is Trump will be the first person in 300 years to die from a trebuchet.

“That floppy catapult won’t kill me,” Trump posted. “Even if we get invaded by neighboring tribes after a nuclear fallout, I don’t expect other post-apocalyptic gangs to defeat America.”

The next day was business as usual for Trump, which discouraged the spirits.

“We were really hoping for a moment of clarity for Trump,” ghost spokesman Randal Vost said. “But you can’t win them all. We will try one of his cabinet members next year.”


About Robert Rau

Considered a poor man's Pat Sajak, Robert is a mild mannered state employee by day, entertainer by night.

Check Also

Cortana Mall to Be Taken Off Life Support

Doctors at Our Lady of Lake Hospital sadly report a former major shopping venue will soon be taken off life support.