Global Warming Fixed: Donald Trump to Make Christmas Extra-White for Years to Come!

Are you worried climate change is leading to fewer and fewer white Christmases? Well, fear not, global warming alarmists!

President-elect Donald Trump will ensure Christmas everywhere in America for at least the next four to eight years will be whiter than it’s ever been in the past 50 years.

It turns out the vast majority of Christmas whiteness experts agree Christmases during the Trump administration will be historically and blindingly white, which is terrific news for white Christmas lovers!

That’s right, folks! Christmas in Trump’s America is all but guaranteed to be extremely white, even in areas not known for white Christmases, like the Deep South. In fact, many leading Christmas whiteness experts predict that’s where Christmases will be the whitest!

The vast majority of Christmas whiteness experts agree Christmases during the Trump administration will be historically and blindingly white, which is terrific news for white Christmas lovers!

According to them, a Donald Trump presidency practically ensures all Christmases for the foreseeable future will be absent of color.

Or is white the reflection of all colors? We’re not sure because, in Trump’s America, science doesn’t matter.

In any event, the only thing that matters is magic, as in the magic of Christmas, and the magic wielded by one man who vowed that he alone can fix everything wrong with America and make it great again!

So stop dreaming of a white Christmas! Start believing in the magic of Donald Trump to deliver that white Christmas and everything else you’re dreaming of that’s ridiculously white!

 

About Editorial Staff

Editorial Staff
A random collection of overqualified, underachieving smartasses.

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