GUEST COLUMN: Why Bother Worrying About Our Dark Overlords? – Tim Dugas, Fatalistic Conspiracy Theorist

Off the WireI don’t understand why so many of my insightful brethren get so worked up about the things only we know about.

I mean, sure, there are malevolent hidden forces controlling our lives and poisoning us every day, but there’s no sense in fighting it. We’re simply destined to be pawns of untold secret societies, puppets of our dark overlords choreographing major events to distract us from their influence.

Why endlessly rail against them? To possibly expose the puppet strings and incite the masses to sever them? That’s simply delusional.

Why stress yourself out and endanger your physical and mental health over forces too powerful to combat? If you consider yourself far more enlightened than the average American lemming, then you would know trying to destroy them and expose their subversive agenda is a fool’s errand.

If I spend all my time thinking only nonblackmailable thoughts, wouldn’t I just be giving in to their perverted, indirect form of mind control? Exactly.

Is there a chip implanted in my brain by the Illuminati to visually record my thoughts to blackmail me into not revealing the identities of its members? Absolutely.

But why should I worry about it or what I think about? Not only can I not get a doctor to remove it since the government makes sure physicians can’t get their hands on equipment capable of seeing the chip, but if I spend all my time thinking only nonblackmailable thoughts, wouldn’t I just be giving in to their perverted, indirect form of mind control? Exactly.

So let’s just realize that sheeple are sheeple, so why should it be you and I should sound so batshit crazy?

See, I’m not even worried if the entire world knows I’m an insufferable fan of Depeche Mode and awful puns. If people find out my secrets, it was meant to be. Just like if others find out the truth about our dark overlords, they’ll do so because of fate, not because of some Facebook post.RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

 

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