What U.S. Senate Candidates Would, Would Not Do to Win Election

In an August forum featuring candidates vying for David Vitter’s open U.S. Senate seat, state Treasurer John Kennedy said, “I would rather drink weed killer than support Obamacare.” Kennedy has since doubled down on his sentiments by incorporating that folksy saying in a TV commercial.

The former Democrat’s claim prompted us to survey the field of U.S. Senate candidates to find out what they would and would not be willing to do to win the election this fall. Here’s what they said:

Treasurer-John-KennedyJohn Kennedy (R-Madisonville)

Would: Drink weed killer
Would not: Admit to drinking the Bobby Jindal Kool-Aid

 

 

john-fleming-louisiana-senate-candidateJohn Fleming (R-Minden)

Would: Eat the placenta from a Syrian refugee who just gave birth
Would not: Grant her asylum in the U.S.

 

 

charles-boustanyCharles Boustany (R-Lafayette)

Would: Help less-fortunate women looking for jobs
Would not: Want anyone to write a book about him helping less-fortunate women looking for jobs

 

LA Public Service Commissioner Foster Campbell

Foster Campbell (D-Elm Grove)

Would: Sell his glass eye on eBay
Would not: Use his inside voice

 

 

caroline-fayardCaroline Fayard (D-New Orleans)

Would: Drink Costco-brand liquor
Would not: Use a Sam’s Club restroom

 

 

David-Duke-senateDavid Duke (R-Mandeville)

Would: Offer a lift to a black man
Would not: Cut him down from the poplar tree

 

 

rob_manessRob Maness (R-Madisonville)

Would: Kick a priest square in the balls
Would not: Wear topsiders

 

 

joseph-caoJoseph Cao (R-Harvey)

Would: Vote for Donald Trump
Would not: Hesitate going to confession afterward

 

 

troy-hebertTroy Hebert (N-Jeanerette)

Would: Blow Donald Trump on camera
Would not: Swallow

 

 

 

About Editorial Staff

Editorial Staff
A random collection of overqualified, underachieving smartasses.

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