Les Miles Basher Dismayed Life Still Miserable After LSU Coach’s Firing

Off the Wire

An LSU football fan who spent the past five years clamoring for Les Miles’ head is shocked to discover his existence on Earth is no less pathetic than it was before the LSU coach’s termination Sunday.

Self-described “Les Miles hater” Brandon Latiolais, of Brusly, admits he envisioned his pitiful life would suddenly become wonderful the moment the object of his chronic derision was no longer the head coach of the LSU football team.

“I just assumed everything that sucks in my life would no longer suck once Miles was gone,” a disappointed Latiolais explained a day after LSU Athletic Director Joe Alleva announced Miles’ dismissal. “Don’t get me wrong; I’m glad to see that moron fired. I just didn’t realize I’d still have to deal with all the crap that makes me drink a fifth of whiskey every night and not want to get out of bed in the morning.”

“I just assumed everything that sucks in my life would no longer suck once Miles was gone.”

Since LSU’s loss to Alabama in the 2012 Allstate BCS National Championship Game, the 35-year-old, twice-divorced alcoholic has relentlessly bashed Miles in no less than 4,000 posts on the LSU forum TigerDroppings, as well as via countless other social media posts and phone calls to various local sports radio shows.

“This whole time, I expected Miles getting canned would make my shitty life better: make my ex-wives disappear, make my children love and want to spend time with me, no more child support payments, a job and a boss I don’t hate, friends who actually care about me,” Latiolais insists. “But now he’s gone, and my life still blows, which makes me hate Miles even more than I did before. Fuck my life.”

When asked about a potential permanent head coach at LSU, he maintains, “Whoever they get better turn the team and my miserable existence around, or I’ll call for his ass just like I did for Miles’.”RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop


About Tony Swartz

Tony Swartz
Tony is proof that you can write Peabody-worthy news without ever darkening the halls of journalism school.

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