GUEST COLUMN: Kids Don’t Know Shit, Except That Hot, Conservative Blonde in the Facebook Videos — Marty Collins

Off the WireThey call today’s young people “millennials,” or “Generation Y.” They should be called “Generation Y the hell don’t you know anything?”

That’s because kids today don’t know shit.

Oh sure, they can tell you all about who Taylor Swift is mad at now, or who on the Kardashians still has a penis, or whatever else those godless libtards in Hollywood are doing to destroy this great nation, but when it comes to stuff that really matters, they’re dumber than a bag of hammers.

That is, with one notable exception: That young, hot, blonde chick I keep seeing on the Facebook videos me and all my friends share. Tommie Larson? Tommy Loren? Tomi Lahren? Yeah, that’s it. I think.

Whatever her name is, she’s the only person under 30 out there who gets it. Everything she says is spot-on. Plus, she’s easy on the eyes.

Whether she’s going off on that mixed-breed Colin Kaepernick for thinking he has the right to not stand during the national anthem, or letting that carpet-muncher soccer player who didn’t want to stand for the national anthem know she’s lucky we don’t throw queers off buildings in this country like they do in Muslim countries, she tells it like it is.

She’s like Anne Coulter, only much more fuckable.

Meanwhile, most people her age are either too busy texting pictures of their junk to strangers to know who Colin Kaepernick is, or they do know and are, like, “It’s a free country” or “the First Amendment, man.” But that Tomi girl knows the score. She’s right when she says he should move to a different country if he doesn’t think this is the greatest nation on Earth.

Plus, she’s also right when she says Donald Trump will make America great again, because Obummer has spent the last eight years making us the laughingstock of the world. Oh, Killary might try to say America never stopped being great, but that’s a load of bullshit.

And while most white millennials are riddled with white guilt, my girl has zero white guilt. None! Zilch! Nada!

Unlike her contemporaries who are sooooo worried about political correctness, she’s not afraid to tell black people that all their problems are caused by other black people, or by illegal immigrants who are taking all the jobs away from them. She’s got balls to tell gays that they should hate Muslims because Muslims hate gays. She’s like Anne Coulter, only much more fuckable.

She’s not walking on eggshells, concerned about tone or empathy or nuance, or trying to see things from a different perspective, like all those other little shits. And that’s why me and all my middle-aged friends think she’s brilliant. She confirms we’re right and everyone else is wrong.

And the fact she’s a hot piece of ass makes it even better. I mean, it’d be one thing if some homely broad with three chins said the things she said, but this girl is smoking, which makes her opinion way, way more important, and, therefore, more reassuring.

Knowing there’s a sexy 24-year-old out there saying what every Trump supporter twice her age is thinking has helped restore my faith in young people. It gives me hope for this country’s future. And it gives me something to look forward to when I log into Facebook and have five minutes to kill when the wife and kids aren’t home.RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop


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