Trump Exports All Campaign Staff Jobs to China

Off the WirePresumptive Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump has fired all of his paid campaign employees and replaced them with much cheaper Chinese labor.

It’s all part of Trump’s cost-conscious strategy to win the presidency on the cheap, as evidenced by recent news that the New York real estate mogul was employing a veritable skeleton crew of an estimated 30 paid campaign workers on the ground throughout the country.

The move comes in the wake of Corey Lewandowski’s termination as Trump’s campaign manager, as well as amid reports of infighting among staffers, something Trump ostensibly doesn’t have to worry about with a notoriously focused and disciplined Chinese workforce.

His new offshore campaign office will be housed in the same Chinese sweatshop where clothing bearing Trump’s name is produced. Many of the same teenage workers who spend 18 hours a day making Donald Trump Signature Collection shirts and ties also will be handling daily campaign tasks, such as responding to media interview requests, revoking press credentials, and divorcing themselves from all reality regarding Trump’s statements, actions, and poll numbers.

All of the new laborers speak only Mandarin and are relying on Google’s translate feature to produce official campaign communications.

In true Trump fashion, the handful of former staffers learned they had been let go by the frugal billionaire Monday via Trump’s Twitter account.


By exporting all paid campaign positions to China, some economists estimate Trump can hire at least 10 times as many staffers for the same payroll. However, most political observers believe Trump — whom they view as more obsessed with the bottom line than actually becoming president — will hire about the same number of employees he had stateside and pocket the savings.

Nevertheless, Trump did create one new position by hiring a 12-year-old Chinese boy to serve as the campaign’s official Twitter bot. While most bot jobs are done by computer programs, the starvation wage Cheng Tung earns for ceaselessly posting pro-Trump tweets from the account @TrumpMakeGreat 20 hours a day makes him more affordable than an American programmer.

According to sources close to Trump, all of the new laborers speak only Mandarin and are relying on Google’s translate feature to produce official campaign communications. This would explain Cheng’s strangely worded inaugural tweet, “Mr. Trump is best number one person candidate to be president for make America again great. #MAAG.”


When asked by a reporter about the apparent hypocrisy of shipping all of his campaign jobs to China when he has repeatedly promised to bring jobs back to the U.S. from there, Trump bristled and blamed the governments of both China and the U.S.

“What a stupid question,” Trump retorted. “It’s simple. The Chinese are manipulating their currency. Look, it’s not my fault they’re making fools of our leaders. Our leaders are so stupid. Dumb. That won’t happen under President Trump. Believe it. Seriously, what a stupid question. Who are you with? They should get a Chinese kid to do your job. I’m sure he’d do it much, much better than you.”RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop


About Tony Swartz

Tony is proof that you can write Peabody-worthy news without ever darkening the halls of journalism school.

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