“There’s Nothing to Do in Baton Rouge,” Says Man Who Never Leaves Home

A Baton Rouge man who has never bothered to investigate local events is notorious for complaining about the lack of area entertainment to attend and participate in.

Duncan Robillard’s friends and acquaintances claim the 25-year-old LSU graduate routinely stays home and is willfully ignorant of such happenings. Many believe Robillard has convinced himself there simply isn’t anything fun ever going on near him.

“I don’t know, man,” Robillard said when reached for comment. “There’s nothing to do in Baton Rouge. Ever.”

Robillard’s comments come despite the fact he’s never looked for any sort of entertainment on Reddit, Facebook, or Instagram, or in 225, The Advocate, or his neighborhood newsletter, or at any library.

Many believe Robillard has convinced himself there simply isn’t anything fun ever going on near him.

“My friends keep inviting me places,” Robillard explained. “They try to get me to go bowling, play laser tag, go golfing, play darts, go to a trampoline park, go to one of those drunk painting classes, see plays, and go dancing. They also say there’s stuff like board game nights, hobbyist get-togethers, home brew tastings, local bands playing, local comedy shows, and all kinds of venues for any activity I could think of. But, like, I just don’t think I’m in the mood for any of that, ya know?”

Evan Rabalais, a local stand-up comedian and author of this article, had this to say in response to Robillard’s remarks: “Fuck you; come to my comedy shows.”