Source: Mike the Tiger’s “Cancer Treatment” Simply Ploy to Escape Bayou Country Superfest

Off the WireLSU’s claim that its live tiger mascot has a rare form of cancer was really a ruse to spare the animal from having to endure this past weekend’s Bayou Country Superfest concert, according to a source within the school’s veterinary program.

Last week’s announcement that Mike the Tiger had been diagnosed with spindle cell sarcoma and would receive radiation therapy at Mary Bird Perkins Cancer Center to treat a supposed tumor in his face was actually just an excuse to get the nearly 11-year-old Bengali-Siberian hybrid away from the LSU campus for the entirety of the event, according to the unnamed individual.

Mike’s caretakers reportedly believed hearing live music by the likes of Luke Bryan, Eric Church, and Jason Aldean emanating from nearby Tiger Stadium — as well as being pestered by fans of such genre-killing music — for three days would simply be too much for the creature to endure.

The 420-pound feline was anesthetized and transported with a police escort well out of earshot of the concert — even for an animal with highly sensitive hearing — for a supposed run-through of the treatment at Mary Bird Perkins.

“They think it’s better to risk subjecting Mike to possibly life-threatening anesthesia than risk letting him hear Luke Bryan. I have to agree with that assessment.”

Given the alternative, Mike’s caretakers reportedly felt it was well worth conducting the logistically intensive transport, including administration of possibly fatal medication, according to the informant.

Luke Bryan minimizes the term "outlaw country" at this years Bayou Country Superfest.
Luke Bryan delegitimizes the term “outlaw country” at this year’s Bayou Country Superfest.

“They think it’s better to risk subjecting Mike to possibly life-threatening anesthesia than risk letting him hear Luke Bryan. I have to agree with that assessment,” the source said.

Even though Mike didn’t actually receive any radiation, the source claims the mascot’s medical team believes being exposed to gratuitous X-rays still would be a better option than being exposed to the sorry excuse of a country music lineup offered by this year’s festival.

“Given the choice between needlessly killing healthy tissue and enduring three days of soulless noise that’s slowly killing the legitimacy of country music,” the source said, “they unanimously indicated they’d opt for the former over the latter eight days a week.”RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

About Tony Swartz

Tony is proof that you can write Peabody-worthy news without ever darkening the halls of journalism school.

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