I’ve spent my time so far at The Red Shtick talking about the minor issues of racism and classism that I see in the world. Well, it’s time I stopped and wrote about the things that truly matter to me.
I realized that there’s a need, and I am overly qualified to fill it. So I’m writing this as a service to you, the people. I present to you a list of the best places in Baton Rouge to eat almost-literal garbage and doubt the human condition:
5. Cracker Barrel at the corner of Jefferson Highway and Baringer Foreman Road.
Coming in at No. 5 is the one that I will admit is the location most biased toward myself. I can walk to it from my house, and the staff is friendly 24/7. I stole a drink from them one night a few months ago because the clerk was asleep and he honestly wouldn’t wake up when I tried to stir him from slumber. He’s a cool dude.
4. Shell Station at the corner of College Drive and Bennington Avenue.
Let’s say you’re at a comedy show that takes place on a Wednesday night at a sports bar located in this area of town. Now let’s also say that you might be going onstage that night and you need a nice caffeine boost to pep yourself up before you hop on the mic and perform some damn good comedy, but Red Bull tastes like shit. So, you can waltz over to this gas station and pick up a nice caffeinated beverage of your choice and swig it down before heading back into the bar and fighting some guy who’s rude to your girlfriend.
2. Circle K on Brightside Drive.
My ex-girlfriend lived next to this gas station, and I purchased a lot of post-sex Gatorade there. I’d have probably died if it weren’t for this gas station providing me with much-needed electrolytes. Also, my friend lived near here when he was in college, and this gas station provided 98% of the booze for everyone to get stupid drunk on. Good times. This one is mainly because of nostalgia, I guess.
1. RaceTrac on Siegen Lane at the I-10 exit.
The Chevron across the street is like a dollar more expensive sometimes AND they don’t have a rolling hot dog/taquito warmer. How are they still open? Go fuck yourself, Siegen Chevron. Have you had the buffalo chicken rollers from RaceTrac? Those things are tasty as hell! I also picked up some bomb-ass mixtapes from some guy handing them out here, and I bump that shit all the time. Highly recommended. Best gas station in Baton Rouge.