American Voters Hell-bent on Seeing Unmitigated Shit Showdown

From The PublisherAfter Tuesday night’s party primary results in the Northeast, one thing seems clear: Voters want to see what will undoubtedly be the most contentious, most derogative, most no-holds-barred hate fest for the White House this country has ever seen. They obviously want to experience the kind of presidential race we ridicule other, less-advanced nations for having.

Maybe they’re bored with more traditional, relatively civilized campaigns to become the leader of the free world. Maybe they’re spoiled by today’s myriad entertainment options and want this race to be a monthslong political version of Max Max: Fury Road. Maybe they want this year’s presidential race to be the kind of shit show future historians will point to as the reason why we decided to let robots run the country.

Whatever their motivation, Hillary Clinton’s insurmountable delegate lead all but guarantees she’ll be the Democratic nominee. Meanwhile, Donald Trump’s overwhelming sweep of the Pennsylvania, Maryland, Connecticut, Delaware, and Rhode Island GOP primaries put him on a solid mathematical track to win the 1,237 pledged delegates he’ll need to secure the Republican nomination on the first ballot at the RNC convention.

It’s like the voters aren’t even interested in the train wreck a brokered Republican convention promises. Maybe it’s because they know that debacle — while it would undoubtedly be deliciously tragic — would only last four days, whereas a Trump-versus-Clinton showdown would last four months.

I get it: Skip the foreplay and get straight to the hate fuck.

I believe even Doris Kearns Goodwin would agree Trump vs. Clinton would be in a class all by itself. It’ll be the Operation Barbarossa of presidential campaigns.

Look, contrary to what many believe, I know we’ve had extremely bitter elections in this country for centuries. I saw CNN’s series Race for the White House, OK?

But I believe even Doris Kearns Goodwin would agree Trump vs. Clinton would be in a class all by itself. It’ll be the Operation Barbarossa of presidential campaigns.

Setting aside any ideological similarities to Nazi Germany declaring war on the Soviet Union, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton were once rather friendly to one another, if not bona fide allies. Trump donated six figures to the Clinton Foundation, made multiple donations totaling thousands of dollars to Hillary Clinton’s previous senatorial and presidential bids, and wrote in a 2008 blog post “she’d make a great president.” As for Clinton, she attended Trump’s 2005 wedding to his current wife, Melania, where they were photographed together while apparently enjoying each other’s company.

Clintons-Donald-Trump-wedding
Back when Trump and Clinton had a non-aggression pact.

But then Trump opened up that front against his former non-enemy.

Given his penchant for merciless asymmetrical warfare and her reputation for fearless ruthlessness, we’re in for a brutal and barbarous summer and fall, just like the voters seem to be clamoring for. And we’ll all have a front-row seat to witness the carnage. It’ll be far more dehumanizing to watch than any reality TV show could ever dream of being.

Sure, the election so far has been legitimately compared to reality TV. We’ve seen plenty of juvenile insults (including more than a few about people’s looks), failed alliances between candidates, and lots and lots of douchey braggadocio. However, just wait til the two polarizing egos with record-high and nearly record-high unfavorable polling numbers square off against each other in this show.

Given his penchant for merciless asymmetrical warfare and her reputation for fearless ruthlessness, we’re in for a brutal and barbarous summer and fall, just like the voters seem to be clamoring for.

On one hand, you have a proud woman whom many see as untrustworthy and overly calculating with a win-at-any-cost attitude. On the other hand, you have a true egomaniac with a big, unfiltered mouth who literally acts like he’s God’s gift to women while saying things millions of women find repulsive. It reads like a final pairing any reality TV producer would kill for, only in this case, America chooses which one gets to be president of the United States.

Oh, so you’re one of those folks who don’t watch reality TV shows because you think they’re the greatest single contributor to our cultural and intellectual decline, propelling us toward our ultimate and deserved fate of degenerating into a genuine idiocracy?

Well, too damn bad.

The devolution will not only be televised, it’ll be the biggest story of 2016, and its repercussions will be felt by all of us for years. So good luck avoiding the shit show.

About Jeremy White

Jeremy White
Jeremy White is an engineer by education, but a smartass by birth. He managed to overcome the obstacles presented by his technical background, and has brilliantly devised a way to make a living making fun of people.

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