Area Ass Clown Cleared to Resume Mocking U.S. Legal System

The Louisiana Supreme Court ruled Friday that a noted Baton Rouge jackwagon with a law degree may return to making a mockery of the nation’s justice system.

The court ruled 4-3 in favor of ending disbarred personal injury attorney and prolific ass clown E. Eric Guirard’s seven-year hiatus from turning arguably the world’s greatest legal system into a hackneyed joke.

Chief Justice Bernette Johnson and Associate Justices Greg Guidry, Jeff Hughes, and John Weimer voted to allow Guirard to resume making a travesty of the courts. Associate Justices Scott Crichton, Jeannette Theriot Knoll, and Marcus Clark dissented.

“It’s a great day, and I’m ready to start disgracing the practice of law for a buck again,” Guirard told radio host Jim Engster hours after the high court’s decision. “I’m just incredibly appreciative that the Supreme Court gave me a second chance to be the forensic jackass I once was.”

“It’s a great day, and I’m ready to start disgracing the practice of law for a buck again.”

In May 2009, the state Supreme Court banned Guirard from further mocking the legal system. The high court disbarred him and his partner, Thomas Pittenger, for paying non-lawyers commissions to settle claims.

Eric-Guirard-Trouble-Time-MoneyGuirard’s disbarment meant he could no longer discredit our system of justice, in part, with his insipid “E Guarantee” ads. Nevertheless, the tea party activist and shameless tool managed to channel his ass-clownery in other ways, including the conservative rap album Tea Party Anthem and the cringe-inducing music video and single “Trouble, Time and Money.”

There were some who speculated whether Guirard — author of the illustrated paperback 101 Uses for Fat People would have expressed his unabated buffoonery on the pages of another coarse publication had his disbarment continued much longer.

101-Uses-For-Fat-PeopleIt turns out they were right. Guirard revealed to Engster that had the Supreme Court denied his application for readmission, he would have begun work on Another 101 Uses for Fat People.

Despite the court’s decision, however, Guirard promised to continue doing to music what he did, and will soon resume doing, to the law profession.

“Just because I’ve been readmitted to the Louisiana bar doesn’t mean I can’t record music videos that make people wish they were deaf and off the grid,” he told Engster. “I have too much jackassery for just one career.”RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

About Tony Swartz

Tony is proof that you can write Peabody-worthy news without ever darkening the halls of journalism school.

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