Blue Bell Ice Cream Fan Deathly Afraid of Syrian Refugees

A Baton Rouge woman spotted purchasing several containers of newly reintroduced Blue Bell Ice Cream said she believes the risk posed by Syrian refugees is too great to allow them into the country.

A seemingly cheerful Christina Price was waiting in line at a local grocery store to buy several pints of the previously recalled ice cream when she suddenly proclaimed to be dreadfully frightened by the prospect of terrorism carried out by Syrian civilians being relocated to the United States.

A headline on a magazine cover near the register reportedly prompted the 24-year-old grad student’s remarks as she waited to purchase four pints of a brand of ice cream the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention linked to 10 listeriosis infections, including three deaths, earlier this year.

“If you knew one out of every thousand gallons of Blue Bell was poisoned, would you serve it to your children?”

“There’s no way to know for sure that none of those Syrian refugees will end up killing Americans,” Price reportedly told a fellow shopper as she angrily pointed at the magazine, which featured a cover story on the plight of the people fleeing the civil war in Syria.

“If you knew one out of every thousand gallons of Blue Bell was poisoned, would you serve it to your children?” she continued, apparently unaware Blue Bell has killed more Americans than Syrian refugees have, by a factor of infinity.

When another customer asked Price if she was concerned about the possible presence of Listeria in her ice cream, the self-avowed Blue Bell fanatic replied, “I don’t know who this Listeria chick is, but I better not catch her in my Blue Bell!”RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

About Tony Swartz

Tony Swartz
Tony is proof that you can write Peabody-worthy news without ever darkening the halls of journalism school.

Check Also

Cortana Mall to Be Taken Off Life Support

Doctors at Our Lady of Lake Hospital sadly report a former major shopping venue will soon be taken off life support.